The old life

Hi! I’m Cathy and I ‘m starting my ‘new life’ after being divorced from my passive aggressive husband about 18 months ago.  I have no regrets about the divorce, not even one! except that I have had some counselling about the fact that we were married for 37 years (yes 37 years!) and I still need to get my head around that.  What on Earth made me stay in that relationship when the last 25 years became increasingly pa-insane?  I’m slowly working that one out and really, really enjoying my lovely new little home and calm, sensible daily life.  Yes, I worry about money and how to get the man-chores done, but it doesn’t matter.

One thing I’ve found really difficult is that other people outside the relationship really don’t understand the issues.  If I try to explain, it just sounds like a list of trivialities, as my ex was very covertly spiteful. I’ve really appreciated reading the other blogs regarding passive aggressive behaviour as you ladies are experiencing similar issues.  PA is like a ‘death from a thousand cuts’ unlike some physical abuse, gambling, womanising etc issues in marriage that are terrible but can be visibly seen as wrongdoing by outsiders. My husband drinks-you’re complaining about him slopping tomato sauce over your cream-coloured sink? Really?  yes, really, because although I have explained that I’m having to bleach the sink for several hours to get the stain off, he still ‘accidently’ does it.  Every day.  Every week. Somehow even though he refuses to cook?

I’m feeling a hundred times better although I still watch my back a lot.  I can’t change my job very easily so he knows where I work, and I’m concerned he’ll sabotage my car.  I try to park it out of sight of the road, I need my transport. When I try to explain my anxiety to others, it sounds as if I’m crazy and he seems so pleasant to others.  Even rather passive?  I must be over-reacting, surely?  So I took to reading other’s pa blogs.  Maybe we can all learn from each other’s experiences and grow strong enough to escape both the relationship and the anxiety.

2 thoughts on “The old life

  1. You’re not crazy and you don’t sound crazy. Narcissistic abuse manifests in passive-aggressiveness a lot, and can be very frightening to experience. If anyone tries to tell you that your experience wasn’t abusive, ignore that, because passive aggressive behaviour is most certainly abusive. Your experience was real and valid, and it says a lot to us that you are scared to leave your car somewhere visible because you think he may sabotage it. You are doing so well to be away from that awful, eggshell life. I hope you enjoy every minute of being free. X

    Liked by 1 person

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