Although I have escaped, the holiday season brings back bad memories of many, many difficult occasions in the past- how sad that these should have been full of happiness rather than me having to wear a false smile. I put them all in a list- but this is from my experiences and no offence intended for any religious implications or people celebrating in other religious denominations. This is obviously NOT what Christmas should be about and I wish you all a happy, peaceful and enjoyable time over the next few days, hopefully with the PA’s in your lives causing as little disruption as possible.
Complaining about everything- gifts, food, wrapping-paper mess- just everything despite not having expended any effort himself.
Having to buy me a present was presented as an enormous burden although I purchased and wrapped all of the other gifts and organised all of the food and decorations.
Resented helping out when we had visitors and would vanish for an hour or two on some errand at the busiest time of the meal preparation. Selfish- why should he take responsibility for anything?
Intentionally being difficult -seemed to see any organisation as ‘controlling’ even if he didn’t have to take responsibility at all. Offered to do things and didn’t do them. Asked for instructions repeatedly about the simplest things and then misunderstood them. Assured me that there were products in the house that were crucial to the main meal when in fact they had run out. Wouldn’t come up with any fun ideas but shoots other’s ideas down. Notably was full of interest however for anything his parents suggested. Sabotage.
Spoils any family unity by ostentatiously clearing away the dishes when everyone was relaxing and chatting around the table. Tries to make himself a victim or martyr.
Tight-wad– somehow felt entitled to have far more spent on his own gifts but begrudged spending money on anyone else. Narcissistic.
Miserable– always spoke to his own family on the phone to wish them a Happy Christmas but told them, that his Christmas was ‘quiet’ and implied that he was unhappy even if he had been enjoying himself a minute before. Seeking attention from parents even into adulthood- he could only enjoy himself with them.
Angry at any opportunity- for example that I put his wrapped present under the tree and ‘spoilt his surprise’ as he thought he knew what it was- he was wrong, it was a watch and he thought it was aftershave. However, he made sure that I always knew exactly what he had bought me by either insisting that I chose it or dropping many hints. Spiteful.
Sabotaging small family rituals. We have a tradition from my family of giving out silly gifts ‘from the tree!’ late on Christmas Day afternoon when there is a tired lull in the festivities. These Tree Presents need to be identified so that they are not given out with the rest in the morning by accident otherwise someone would be without later in the day. I labelled them- didn’t work, he ‘accidently’ gave one out and I had to wrest it from someone’s hands! So I took to wrapping them in gold paper the next year (we still do, it has become a new little tradition!) and clearly advised him of this detail but he still managed to ‘forget’. Tries to cause conflict and makes me look in the wrong for getting annoyed with him.
Drinks copiously on Christmas Eve so that he is ‘ill’ on Christmas morning. Centre of attention.
Allows his family to intrude on our arrangements however inconvenient. No boundaries.
Yawns frequently, supposedly bored or ‘tired’. Causes tension.